So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
