i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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