im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
