So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
