Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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