i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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