I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
