he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
