So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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