She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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