That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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