I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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