Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
