I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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