Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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