I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
