Having a random hookup so left but love u
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
