Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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