so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
