i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
