You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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