i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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