I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
