OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
third nipple confirmed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
