I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
