you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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