I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize