farters have to be the big spoon...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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