whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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