he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
