another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
