i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
