we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
