Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize