i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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