Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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