he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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