you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
