He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize