He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
