I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
