i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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