I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
