I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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