A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
