bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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