New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
