You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
