im holly from the hills drunk
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
