Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
