from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
