my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
