The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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