so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
