A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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