So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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