Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
