Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
