you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
