I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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