using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
