The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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