Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
