I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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