I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
