My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
