Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
