i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
