I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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