JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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