He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
